Where’s my water? FUCK! I forgot to get water?! I gotta lay here in silence with a dry throat!? Then I saw the Polar Bear seltzer on the carpet next to my bed. Anyway, so I slowly turned my body over on my right side to face my nightstand where my water was and… I was thirsty, as are most people in the morning, and even if you’re not thirsty, you should drink a big cup of water, right? I think so at least. So I breathed lightly and made movements carefully.įirst thing I had to do was cure my thirst.
One wrong move and the cat will start pounding on the door, meowing like a hungry lion. Just then I remembered to slow my breathing and not make any noise. I started to reach for my water–FUCK! STOP! Why am I awake? Oh right, I started this new workout thing. My wrist woke me up from my watch vibrating.
Let me tell you about what happened this morning… The most mundane of one-liners can be riveting. I have wonderful news for you: Every single story is interesting. You’re saying: GREG! I DON’T FUCKIN KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT! YOUR STORY IS NUTS AND MINE IS NORMAL! Sure I read Crime and Punishment, but it took me forever. So, keep some stories for later.Ĭ) people don’t wanna read a thousand-page book. Why the fuck write a book if you’re scared of people reading it?), then you’ll need to write more than one. Just say it.ī) if you wanna make money as a writer, or at least make enough to market your own books (which you should 100% do. Just pick one time period of life or even an event you wanna detail and simply say what happened. The reason you don’t wanna write about your whole life is because:Ī) who the fuck wants to do that? That’ll take forever. What’d he say? What’d she do? How’d that feel? What’d you think about that? Don’t Write About Your Whole Life in Your Memoir
#I write like by memoires how to
Not sure what the next sentence should be after the cashier story? Here’s how to solve that: what happened next? There ya go. True honesty is so hard to come by that when we taste it, we just wanna guzzle it all down. What were you thinking about? This is the story people wanna hear (even your nephew). I mean what happened in your head, between your ears in the moment preceding that event you won’t shut up about, how you felt while it was happening, and what you did afterwards–more importantly, how you felt. Time to write that shit down and tell the REAL story about what REALY happened… That’s right, I don’t mean what happened in the line at the grocery story when the cashier tried to short-change you. Someone will be more than happy to let you know the fuckin story you never shut up about. Not sure which stories you always tell? Just ask your kids, or your partner, or best friend. Tell a million stories if you want, and you should, but start with the ones you always tell. So long as I’m not confused and you’re being honest, I’m enthralled.Īnd writer’s block is easily solved when you just ask yourself a few questions: What happened? That’s all you gotta do when telling your story. There’re no rules, you can break any “writing” rule you want. And there’s no research involved cause you were there. It’s so fuckin relaxing to let out all those sentences thatta been bangin into each other inside your head and clanging against your memory clouding your vision. Writing a memoir is like jerking off your thoughts.
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